hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
