turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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