I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize