Kiss
Puke
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
