so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize