I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
