Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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