If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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