My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
