But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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