I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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