Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize