I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
