Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
