he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
