I don't usually arrange sex via text message
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
