i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
