I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
