How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Randomize
