I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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