Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
