I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
