ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize