First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
