My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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