haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
