If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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