My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
