the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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