she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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