is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
