So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
