You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
