Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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