too bad you live with your parents still
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
