Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
