I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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