my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
