before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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