I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
