when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
