Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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