we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
