3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
