I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
