im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
