so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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