I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
