I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
