I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
