i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
