I wanna passion pit in your ass
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
