"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
