Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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