buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
