My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
