He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
