Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
