There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
