my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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