The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
