There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
