I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize