I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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