Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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