Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
