last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
