the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
