mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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