Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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