6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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