I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
